My messed up relationship with video games

Hey there,

As a kid I loved games. I'd steal my sister's phone anytime she was not typing away on it and start playing. I clearly remember playing that very weird snake game on my dad's first phone, as well. The very first question I ever asked anyone kind enough to let me inspect this new gadget(at that time)...was whether it had games installed in it. One would be under the impression that I love playing games, right? 

     Well, yes...but also, no.

                                       

                                   

Do I wanna play and inevitably feel horrible because I suck...or do I wanna sit and contemplate?

I think this weird behaviour has a lot to do with all the contradictory views I was subjected to. As I grew up, my mom seemed to think that playing games would dull my brain and compromise my academics. So I had to give it up. But that was quite ok. I had other ways to keep myself entertained...and after a little while, there wasn't much room for entertainment either. The pressure at school was just too much.

And now I have suddenly been provided with a truckload of free leisure time. Therefore, I thought to myself: Why not rekindle my love for games? But things got tricky now. Every time I stumble across videos of other people playing games; I suddenly want to play too. But as soon as I start to play, or in other words, start to really suck at the game, I lose my drive in a poof! Sometimes I feel that playing games with friends would be a really good way of staying in touch with them, but then, when the reality of my gaming skills hit me...I am left confused again. And again. It's a vicious cycle. 

All this has been really frustrating. So I have been wondering ever since I woke up today if I should load a game and play...only to uninstall it later? Or do you think some miracle awaits...?

                I know. I know. There's only one way to find out. Oh God...sigh!

                                

Someday I hope to get better at this...the massive nerd that I am!