A Sudden Realisation

Hello all,

It's the 25th of May, and it has been particularly unique today. Quite surprisingly so, too. Since every day I wake up and it feels like yesterday or tomorrow. The virus has taken a toll on us and I have been no exception. I have been pushed to the brink of negative thoughts and feelings through and through and I had free fallen through the deep abysses of my brain until...suddenly...

Today morning. I woke up with this deep drive to do something. To feel worthy. To not beat myself up every single day for being a lazy and useless slob. Yes. The drive. The inspiration. The positive vibes were finally here. I started my day with warm, bitterly-sweet tea and an article on The New Yorker about vaccine development to fight this deadly monster; courtesy of Covid-19. Nothing in the whole wide world could've put me in a better mood.

After some deep contemplation, I realised that the best thing I could do to feel worthy was starting a blog. Like a blog-blog. Not the semi-blog I was halfheartedly doing on Instagram. I started my research on how I could turn this wish of mine into (virtual) reality. Defeat. Immediately. I couldn't find a single cost-effective way of doing it. I was shattered. Left it. Called up my sister after a long time. Had a hearty conversation. The dream of a blog was fading away...

The day went on. Ate. Slept. Played with friends. YouTube. Conversations with a special one. Ate. 

The day was already slipping away. Rang up the special one. Wanted to share the memory of discovering our common interest in cars...and how it had changed our lives since that very moment...and...and..."Umm, honey please don't mind this but I'm in the middle of this really interesting..." My heart crawled within me. No. Not that. Not because I couldn't have that conversation about old memories; but because there was something he had...that he could do and derive happiness from. I missed it. The girl who was always used to having something to do...until this pandemic.

I put on some music. My self made very own playlist. 

               When the days are cold, And the cards all fold, And the saints we see are all made of gold.

               When your dreams all fail...

Something happened. At this very moment. I clicked the dots clustered together on Google's top right corner and boom...stumbled upon an app called "Blogger". My breath caught in my throat and with twitchy fingers, I made some adjustments and for the last hour or so I've been merrily typing away. And hence here is where today's goal comes to an end...the mad drive to do something. I was successful at last. Yes! And so until next time...

       When you feel my heat, Look into my eyes, It's where my demons hide...

A bit over the top? I think so.

This road may be jagged. But cheers to the beginning of this road!!!!