A Lifelong Desire

The one thing I have always wanted is a desk. 

I have always wanted my own space---a room of my own, a place where I won't be disturbed every 2 seconds. But I never had that. As a result, I had to struggle to get work done. There was always too much noise. I could never really explain to anyone how much I hate to work in a room where everyone is present jibber-jabbering! It doesn't really matter if they chatted or not...their presence itself annoyed me a lot. It wrecked my thought process. I totally hate background sound. To me, silence is the most essential requirement for productive work.

                                                           

Someday I hope to have my own personal space!

But whenever I imagine and try to picturise my own bubble; the main highlight is a big wooden desk. The traditional kind--having polished wooden exteriors and a chest of drawers on the side. I dream of how I'm going to organise my stuff into these big spacious drawers. I dream of all the papers, pens, stationery and other bits and bobs that would neatly pile into them. I would assign an entire drawer for journaling essentials...the antique rope-tied journal, the glass pen I would buy, the deep blue ink pot I would keep...floods my imaginations. It's a pleasant thought.

I love dreaming about my dream desk. It always makes me smile. My mind drifts off to the days of yonder when I used to make desk designs in my diary. It was a secret passion. As I reminisce now, a very important realisation hits me! It was only for the sole purpose of researching different types of desks; that I started exploring the internet! I'd jump every time somebody made an appearance while I was hogging desk designs. It was a very secret project. I did not want to share it with anyone. 

         My mother perhaps thought that I was getting into wrong stuff, but I just couldn't bring myself to explain to her what I was actually doing! I was happier to get badly scolded by her than tell her my secret mission. Very few would understand it's significance after all!

I don't know why I developed this fascination for desks and personal space. Nevertheless, I have an inkling on how it must have come to life. I have always been drawn towards my aunt's family. My uncle has always been highly acclaimed and respected in the company he works for. And, I had been attached to him from the very beginning. I liked how he worked in his own space. I liked how everyone was willing to give him space. I adored how he would try to maintain a balance between his work and social life. That inspired me. My aunt was very much the same. She did her work in her own bubble and was probably a bit more successful in maintaining that balance between work and socialising. 

        But my sister was the best! She inspired me the most. As a kid, I would quietly observe her studying attentively in a small room at a desk. I wanted to do the same. I was too young then, but I still strongly believe; that is where the love for studying, work, and the main tool of the above--a desk was born! I wanted to build my own world so bad. Still do.

It's been some 15 years since then but I still have that burning desire of acquiring that desk. I guess I want it to symbolise something within me. I guess I want it as a token. I am not entirely sure. But I do hope that every day in some way or other I am getting closer to my dream of a personal bubble and the king of that bubble--the desk.

                                                        

Hopefully, the dream comes true someday...